“Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work. I’m not going to kill you, but I’m going to tell you three things that will haunt you the rest of your days. “Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their stupid club for jerks?” “I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there’s no god.” “Overdue book? This is the biggest frame-up since OJ! Wait a minute. “What are you guys laughing at? If you say Jimmy Fallon, I’ll know you’re lying.” I went to Lisa’s play! Which had serious pacing problems.” “He’s about to learn the most important lesson in the music business: don’t trust people in the music business.” “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” “A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice.” “What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.” “If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.” (Photo: 20th Century Fox) As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.” There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. “The problem in the world today is communication… too much communication.” “I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.” “Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.” “Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.” “I’ll make the money by selling one of my livers… I can get by with one.” “I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.” “I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.” “You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.” “English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.” “Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.” “It’s so simple to be wise… just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.” “Even communism works… in theory.” (Photo: 20th Century Fox) “I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.” Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?” Don’t forget – we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, and the pudding cup.” “Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.” “Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.” “Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?” (Photo: 20th Century Fox) “Trying is the first step towards failure.” “Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.” “My beer! You never had a chance to become my urine!” “Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full.” “Weaseling out of things is important to learn it’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.” “A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.” “I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” Ranging from the accidentally genius to the amusingly foolish, here are Homer Simpson’s finest quotes:
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